I knew I’m a girls from the moment of my birth, and I was called ‘pansy’ by many boys. I had the name when I was eight and thought it was a lovely name.
I asked my father:”will you call me that name?” “no”, he said uncertainly. And my father agreed to call me as ‘pansy’ only at story time.
At first, I knew nothing about transgender, but I knew I wasn’t a boy and I were a girl. So, many people asked me. why I acted like a girl.
I kept this secret for 10 years. I didn’t get reconstructive surgery when I was young, and one day, a doctor told me,”we can do it for you”, I was 30 at that time, I felt that I found myself.
When I decided to get surgery, everyone give me different advice like,”You can do it if you really want to be a woman”. I went put with my friends one day, and they told me:”happy to see you, we are so glad you want to do this, but you still need to think twice before that.”
I also got some advice on how to look like a woman, like how to make up, how to choose my clothes. I don’t know what is considered appropriate clothing, although I watch many shows about clothing.
My friends often ask me:”why you want to be a woman? you are really attractive as a man, you’ll no longer attractive if you do that”. “are you going to change every organ on your face, your chin, nose, lips”, “how about your wide shoulders and your tits?”
These questions made me fully understand the concept of “passing”. This is really a serious problem for most people, and not everyone can accept our changes.
I also realized that I need to get surgery to change my gender and appearance, and this is the only way for me to become a real woman. Like many trans women, Hiding is the only way for us to avoid from stigma, or pretend that nothing had happened. Trans women are often attracted by other people, and they are add, freakish and unacceptable in some people’s eyes.
I used to be a man for many years, and my body is beautiful in my eyes. It’s nothing like a binary woman, or man’s body.
I love who I am today, because I’m a trans woman who looks like real a woman. Thanks to the advice from my friends and other people, I’ve really became the one I want to be.
Over the past few years, I started to learn my body in a new way, and I love everything about trans body.
Don’t judge someone who want to do something different. The answer is always in my heart as I can really embrace my transgress. I don’t want to hide my gender and I’m proud of being a trans woman.
As trans women, the only thing we can do for ourselves is love our body and enjoy our way of life.